Act Like the Person You Want to Become

There used to be a phrase “fake it ‘til you make it.” I never liked the phrase because I think we should be authentic, not fake. There is a bit of wisdom in the phrase, though, if you look a little deeper.

There is nothing wrong with becoming the best person we can. There is nothing wrong with improving ourselves. Sometimes, to do this, it can help to pretend that we are already that person and act accordingly. It’s rather like practicing for a part in a play.

For example, if we want to be more self-confident, it can help to pretend that we are and look the part—stand straight, head up, and shoulders back. If we want to be outgoing, we can walk up to someone, smile, and introduce ourselves even if we do not feel at all comfortable doing it. The more we do these things, the more we will become the person we want.

Can you act in certain ways to help you become the person you want?

Second Chances

Should you give someone a second chance? I think that depends.

None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. Generally, I think we should give people a second chance. If they make the same mistake again, we don’t need to give them a third chance.

There are times, though, when the harm people do to us is so great that they do not deserve a second chance. We do not need to take the risk that they will harm us again. If that is our choice, then we do not need to feel guilty about it. And the more they try to make us feel guilty, the more they probably do not deserve a second chance.

Clean It Up or Cover It Up?

My philosophy is that if we make a mess, we need to clean it up. If we do something wrong, we need to do everything possible to fix it. It’s the responsible and respectful thing to do.

Having said that, maybe, if the issue is really, really minor, and only affects us, it might be acceptable to cover it up.

This is what prompted this train of thought. My husband and I were driving to an important event. We stopped for coffee for the ride. I spilled coffee down the left side of my black dress. I tried to clean it with water. That made it worse. We did not have time to go back home so I could change. We did have time, barely, to stop at a department store where I bought a scarf. I used the scarf to cover the coffee stains.

Again, I think we should try to clean things up. But, maybe, once in a while, it’s okay to cover it up. (Of course, I didn’t even do a very good job of covering it up because I told too many people what had happened!)

Space with Grace

A friend of mine, who has been going through a rough time, said at a meeting that she appreciated that people were giving her “space with grace.” I had not heard that phrase before, but I like it.

Some people, when they are going through a rough time, like having people around them, helping them, doing things for them, etc. That’s fine.

Other people, however, like to have some space to deal with whatever they are going through in their own time and at their own pace. That’s fine, too.

I am one of the latter people. Although I like to know that people are concerned about me, I don’t want them hovering over me. Gracefully giving me some space is what I want, need, and will forever appreciate.

If you want to help someone that is going through a difficult situation, give them what they want rather than what you would want. How do you know what they want? Ask them.

Learning to Live with a New Normal

When my mother passed away, I realized that I was going to need to learn to live with a new normal—a life without her in it. In talking with friends, I realized that in life we are continuously learning to live with new normal.

Life is normal when we are children and living with our parents. No matter what it’s like, it’s normal to us. It changes when we move out, for college or other reasons, and we learn to live with a new normal. It changes again when we marry, have children, the children move out, our careers change, other changes occur, and each time we adjust to a new normal. Our normal life changes when we lose someone, through death, divorce, or other circumstances, and once again we are faced with learning to live with a new normal.

Change is a part of life. And not all change is bad. Many changes we face are very positive and lead to a better “normal” life than what we had before. We might as well enjoy the “normal” life we currently have while we have it, because it will change, and we will need to learn, again, to live with a new normal.

Self-Care and Getting Rid of Guilt

At a women’s connection meeting we were asked, as part of our introductions, to tell what we do for self-care. As soon as the chapter manager told us this, I realized something new that I needed to start doing.

I was glad to be at the meeting, but also feeling guilty that I was doing something for me professionally rather than something personally, for me or for others. I do that quite a bit. And yet when I’m doing something personally, I feel guilty about not doing something professionally and growing my business.

Do you do this? No matter what you are doing, professionally or personally, for yourself or for others, you feel guilty that you are not doing something else?

This needs to stop. The best we can do is try to balance our time and then, whatever we are doing, enjoy it. Feeling guilty is non-productive and damaging. I’m going to work on this. How about you?

High Standards and Double Standards

Do you know people who say that they have high standards? If they have high standards for themselves as well as for others, then that’s good.

If, however, they have high standards for others, but do not meet those standards themselves, then it’s just a double standard.

Be wary of those people. If they expect you to meet certain standards for them, but are not willing to meet those same standards for you, why do you want to associate with them?

Self-Empowerment for Women: Special eBook Prices

During the month of July you can purchase any, or all, of my eBooks on self-empowerment for women for 50% off. That’s only $2.50 per book. That’s only $2.50 for the opportunity to learn something that can change your life for the better.

Go to my Smashwords Author Page and scroll to the bottom of the page for links to my books including 3 Good Choices: Change It, Accept It, or Leave It; 52 Weeks of Wisdom, Volumes 1 and 2; and Don’t Act Like Prey!

After purchase, go to my website for free materials to supplement the eBooks.

I write on self-empowerment for women. I provide ideas to encourage women to think about what they do, why they do it, and do they want to change.

Filling Time

Time is a limited resource. We each have the same amount each day, week, year. Since we cannot create more time, it’s important to use the time we have the best we can. To do this, we need to determine what is truly important to us. From there, we can decide how to prioritize what we do with our time, how we fill our time.

There are some things that we might not want to do, but we need to do. Going to work and earning money to buy the things we want could be an example. (Although, if you don’t enjoy your work, you might want to consider why and make changes.) Other examples include responsibilities like housework and yard work. (An option might be to hire someone else to do them.)

Some things to consider in prioritizing how you fill your time is to think about the impact for the future as well as for today. Will there be an impact a year from now, ten years from now? Will you remember it a year from now, ten years from now? Will your children and grandchildren remember how clean you kept the house or the Sunday afternoon ice cream runs? For example, making time for a family vacation is something that you and your family will remember for the rest of your lives.

Another challenge is that how we prioritize our time and how others want us to prioritize our time might not be the same. In fact, it usually isn’t. In these cases. remember that it is acceptable to tell people “no.”

It’s difficult to find the right balance between “need to do” and “want to do.” Don’t worry if you are not finding the right balance every day. Are you finding the right balance most days?

I feel like I am always busy, but I don’t always feel like I am doing what is most important. I might be doing what is most immediate, but that doesn’t mean that is necessarily a high priority item.

Don’t fill your time with things that aren’t that important. Focus on what is truly important, not just for today, but for the future. Just because your time is full, doesn’t mean that it’s leading to the life you want.

The Importance of Self-Reflection

If we want to change our life, we sometimes need to change things outside of ourselves, external to ourselves. We might need to change our job or even our career. We might need to change or even leave relationships if the person is no longer supportive of us. We might need to change where we live or change our lifestyle.

If, however, we don’t change what is inside of us, what is internal to us, we might find that external changes are not enough. Often, we need to change who we are to make lasting changes in our life.

Changing ourselves involves self-reflection. We need to look deep inside our hearts and minds to see who we really are. We need to shine a light in the dark, dusty corners to see what is there. We will probably find things that we are not happy with, that we are not proud of. That’s okay. We are human. We need to acknowledge and accept what we find. Once we do that, then we can decide how we want to change.

While we are looking inside ourselves, we will also find wonderful things. We need to take credit for and embrace the positives as well. Finding the light in us can help us in managing the dark.

Self-reflection is an integral part of personal growth, of becoming who we truly want to be, and in creating the life we desire. It can be painful in the short-term, but it is well-worth it in the long-term. I encourage you to find the courage to reflect upon who you are and why.