CC and CC to RC

CC and CC to RC (Video Link)

dreamstime_xs_45996187I recently had a very stressful (and stupid) confrontation with someone. What I learned from it was “CC and CC to RC.”

Clear Communication and Common Courtesy to Reduce Conflict.

In this situation, I think I interpreted what she meant correctly, despite what she said later when I confronted her. However, if she truly meant what she later said she did, had she clearly communicated what she meant and used a little common courtesy, I never would have had the reaction I did. There would not have been any conflict.

If you would like to reduce conflict, be sure that you are clearly communicating your message to the other person. If anything, err on the side of over-communicating. And use a little common courtesy. “Please” and “thank you” can go a long way to reducing conflict.

Remember, “CC and CC to RC.”

The 3 R’s of Assertiveness

Farrell_Don'tActLikePrey_FULLCOVER_FINAL_090714, cropped_edited-1

This is a very condensed presentation on assertiveness.  The title is The 3 R’s of Assertiveness.  (An alternative title is Don’t Act Like Prey!)  The 3 R’s are relationships, rights, and respect.

We all have professional and personal relationships.  Within each of these relationship we and the other party have certain rights.  When we do not respect ourselves and our rights, we are passive.  When we do not respect others and their rights, we are aggressive.  When we respect both ourselves and others, we are assertive.

I published this presentation previous in a series of five segments.  If you did not have an opportunity to watch the segments, I hope you will learn something in this one that will help you achieve the success you want.

Equal Partnerships

dreamstime_xs_32614115Equal Partnerships (Video)

Throughout these blogs we have talked about you.  Your rights.  Your responsibilities.  Your choices.  Your life.

It is necessary to remember, though, that everything we have discussed applies to everyone.  This means, that if you are in a committed relationship, your partner is just as important as you are.  The life he wants is just as important as the life you want.  Not more important, but as important.

I think a committed relationship should be an equal partnership.  Each person should work equally hard, take on equal responsibility, and give as much support as he or she expects to receive.  It is necessary for both people to work together to determine how their life together will meet their individual desires and goals.  It may take some negotiating.

The opposite of an equal partnership is a double standard.  That is where it is all about one person and about what that one person wants.  If you are in a double standard relationship, and it is all about him, can you change things?  If not, is it worth staying in that relationship?  If you are in a double standard relationship, and it is all about you, remember that he has the same rights as you do and can leave you.  You might want to make changes before that happens.

An equal partnership is a beautiful relationship.  I recommend that you always remember that your partner, and what he wants, is as important as you, and what you want.

Stealing Stuff

hStealing Stuff (Video)

This blog provides additional information to the attached video clip.  The clip is from an assertiveness presentation I did for The Business Building Academy.

In my presentation on assertiveness, Don’t Act Like Prey!, I discuss the three R’s of assertiveness:  relationship, rights, and respect.  In this presentation I used the customer/supplier relationship as an example and we discussed the rights of each party.  In this clip, we are discussing the rights of the supplier.  One right of the supplier is that the customer will not steal her stuff.

I never would have thought of that until this story happened to me.

Assertiveness (5), The Finish of the Story

The attached video is an excerpt from a very condensed presentation on assertiveness.  The title of the presentation is The 3 R’s of Assertiveness.  (An alternative title is Don’t Act Like Prey!.) 

Part 5 finishes the story started in the first segment.  It includes important points to remember when you are in a situation where you know the best thing is to be assertive.

This is the final segment of the condensed assertiveness presentation.  I hope you have learned at least one or two items that you want to implement to improve your success.

Assertiveness (4), Respect and Metaphors

The attached video is an excerpt from a very condensed presentation on assertiveness.  The title of the presentation is The 3 R’s of Assertiveness.  (An alternative title is Don’t Act Like Prey!.) 

Part 4, Respect, discusses the importance of respecting ourselves and our rights.  When we do not, we are passive.  It also discusses the importance of respecting others and their rights.  When we do not, we are aggressive.  By respecting ourselves and others, and acting accordingly, we are assertive.

It also discusses using wildlife metaphors for describing passive, aggressive, and assertive behavior.

Each week I will post the next section of the presentation.  Last week was on rights.  Next week will be the final, the finish of the story stared in section 1.

Under-promise and Over-deliver

Scotty (Video)

Do you remember Scotty from the original Star Trek series?  Scotty developed the reputation of a miracle-worker.  His secret was that he consistently under-promised and over-delivered.  (Alright, he was also exceptional at what he did.)  Captain Kirk would ask him how long it would take to fix something.  “Three days, Cap’n.”  “We only have three hours!” And Scotty would fix it in three hours (or whatever the time frame happened to be).

We can all learn a lesson from Scotty.  This blog provides additional information to the attached video clip.  The clip is from an assertiveness presentation I did for The Business Building Academy.

In my presentation on assertiveness, Don’t Act Like Prey!, I discuss the three R’s of assertiveness: relationships, rights, and respect.  In this presentation, I used the customer/supplier relationship as an example and we discussed the rights of each party.  In this clip, we are discussing that the customer has the right to expect what is promised and how the supplier can use Scotty from Star Trek to help make sure that the promises are kept.

It is imperative that promises are kept.  And it is acceptable to build a buffer for yourself because things do happen.  For example, if you promise a customer something in one week, and deliver in two weeks, the customer will be upset because you were a week late.  If you promise it in three weeks, and deliver it in two, the customer will be thrilled because you are early.  In each case the customer has it in two weeks.  In the first example, though, you look horrible.  In the second, you are a hero.  Which will help your business more?

This concept can be used in your personal life as well as your professional life.  Do you under-promise and over-deliver?

 

Keep Your Word

hKeep Your Word (Video)

It is imperative that we keep our word, no matter what.

When we keep our word, people learn that they can trust us.  When we do not keep our word, people quickly learn that we cannot be trusted.  It can take years to correct that reputation.

We must, of course, keep our promises.  The surest way to do this is to not make promises unless we are sure we can keep them.  A small promise fulfilled is much more valuable than a large promise left uncompleted.  As we keep our promises, people learn that they can trust us.

We must also follow through on our threats.  The surest way to do this is to never make a threat unless we are willing and able to carry it out.  As soon as we make a threat and then do not carry it out, people learn that they do not need to respect us.

Keeping your word applies to both our professional and personal relationships.  Stop and think what your employer, employees, customers, and suppliers will think of you if you make promises and do not keep them.  It does not take much imagination to see how damaging this will be to you and your success.

The same applies to threats.  If you threaten to dismiss an employee, you have to be willing to do so or you send a message to all your employees that they do not need to listen to you.  The same applies to suppliers.  If you threaten to drop a supplier if they do not meet certain criteria, you have to move to another supplier if they do not meet the criteria.

Not keeping your word can be just as damaging in personal relationships.  What will your spouse/partner, children, relatives, friends, and neighbors think of you if you do not keep your word?  Soon you will have taught them that they cannot trust you, that they cannot count on you.

I think the most damage comes when parents do not keep their word with their children.  If children cannot trust their parents to keep their promises, who can they trust?  Also, if parents do not follow through on their threats, children learn very quickly that there are not any negative consequences to their negative actions.  This will not help the child succeed in life.

Before you make a promise, or a threat, determine how you are going to complete it.  If you cannot, then do not make it.

Dress to Connect

Dress to Connect (Video)h

There is always information about how to dress for different situations.  Some of us spend a great deal of time thinking about how we should dress for professional and personal situations.

One aspect I try to consider when I dress is to dress to connect.  What will help me connect with the people around me?

I realized the importance of this many years ago when I was working as a consultant dietitian for a long-term care company.  When I went into one of the company’s nursing homes it was usually to evaluate the operation of the food service department.  To do this I had to be in the kitchen and in the dining rooms.  If I was going to be able to do my job well, I had to be comfortable.  I also needed to look professional to gain credibility.  I dressed in slacks, a shirt or sweater, flats with a decent sole so I didn’t slip, and a lab coat.

Many of the consultant nurses I worked with had a different opinion.  They dressed in short, tight skirts and high heels.  I thought that was rather foolish; how can you work dressed like that?  An aspect that I did not consider until I overheard some of the staff nurses talking was that the facility nurses did not respect the consultant nurses simply because of the way they dressed.  The consultants did not look like they wanted to actually help, they looked like they just wanted to sit behind a desk and tell others what to do.  It was very difficult for the consultants to get the facility nurses to even listen to what needed to be done.

Additionally, these consultant nurses (not all the nurses I worked with were like this) liked to wear jewelry; big, expensive jewelry.  The facility nurses took this as the consultants were showing off how much more money they made.  It caused resentment, which further eroded the credibility of these consultants.  It never would have occurred to me that staff might feel resentment over what jewelry someone else wore, but I can see it now.

I think a good rule of thumb is to dress a level or two above those you will be working with to look professional and gain credibility, but not so far above that you lose respect.

The 3 R’s of Assertiveness

SF_DontActLikePrey_F1.inddA simple method to consistently be assertive (not passive or aggressive) is to use the 3 R’s.  Relationships, Rights, Respect.

We are all involved in professional and personal relationships.

Within each of these relationships, we and the other person have certain rights.

It is necessary that we treat ourselves and others, our rights and their rights, with respect.

For more information, and tools to assist you in becoming assertive more consistently, please see my book, Don’t Act Like Prey!  You can order it through my website, http://www.susanlfarrell.com/Section/Shop/index.html.  If you leave me your email address, I will send you a special bonus chapter.

If this is a topic that would benefit your organization, association, or group, please contact me for speaking availability.  Additional information is available at http://www.susanlfarrell.com/Section/Event_Planners/index.html.

Thank you!