Common Courtesy—Not So Common

dreamstime_xs_87916289, resized_edited-1I’m beginning to believe that common courtesy is an oxymoron.  Courtesy is not so common anymore.

You do not hear the little courtesies (please, thank you, you’re welcome, excuse me) as frequently as in the past.  You also hear more obviously discourteous behaviors (yelling, screaming, interrupting).

I think part of this is related to television.  Think about the lack of common courtesy in many of the TV shows; think about how people are treating each other.  Even in many of the news programs, it’s not about a civilized discussion, it’s about who can outshout the others.  When people watch this enough, they begin to think that this is appropriate behavior.

I think part of the lack of courtesy is related to social media.  It’s easy to slam people and their views when you don’t have to do it to their face.

I think another part is related to parents who don’t teach their children manners.  Too many parents let their children do whatever they want.  Children need to be taught what is acceptable behavior, and this means teaching boundaries.  It also means that when children display negative behavior, there is a negative consequence to their negative behavior.  If the child is allowed to continue with the negative behavior, it reinforces that the negative behavior is acceptable.

I think the root of lack of courtesy is lack of respect.  Too many people do not respect other people.  They do not respect that other people have the same rights they do.  They do not respect that other people have the same right to their views and beliefs.  They do not respect that other people deserve to be treated the same way they want to be treated.  And too often children are not taught to treat others with respect, both directly and by example.

I know this is not an easy issue to solve.  But if each of us try to treat the people around us with courtesy and respect, it will at least make our little piece of the world a little better.  And who knows?  Maybe it will spread!

Boundaries

We have the right to set boundaries.  We have the right to create boundaries around what we consider acceptable behavior from others and what we consider acceptable treatment of us.  We have the right to defend those boundaries.

This can be difficult when we have people in our professional and personal lives that continually want more, more, more from us.  When this happens, we have the right to assertively defend those boundaries by respectfully telling the other person, “No.”

The 3 R’s of Assertiveness

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This is a very condensed presentation on assertiveness.  The title is The 3 R’s of Assertiveness.  (An alternative title is Don’t Act Like Prey!)  The 3 R’s are relationships, rights, and respect.

We all have professional and personal relationships.  Within each of these relationship we and the other party have certain rights.  When we do not respect ourselves and our rights, we are passive.  When we do not respect others and their rights, we are aggressive.  When we respect both ourselves and others, we are assertive.

I published this presentation previous in a series of five segments.  If you did not have an opportunity to watch the segments, I hope you will learn something in this one that will help you achieve the success you want.

Equal Partnerships

dreamstime_xs_32614115Equal Partnerships (Video)

Throughout these blogs we have talked about you.  Your rights.  Your responsibilities.  Your choices.  Your life.

It is necessary to remember, though, that everything we have discussed applies to everyone.  This means, that if you are in a committed relationship, your partner is just as important as you are.  The life he wants is just as important as the life you want.  Not more important, but as important.

I think a committed relationship should be an equal partnership.  Each person should work equally hard, take on equal responsibility, and give as much support as he or she expects to receive.  It is necessary for both people to work together to determine how their life together will meet their individual desires and goals.  It may take some negotiating.

The opposite of an equal partnership is a double standard.  That is where it is all about one person and about what that one person wants.  If you are in a double standard relationship, and it is all about him, can you change things?  If not, is it worth staying in that relationship?  If you are in a double standard relationship, and it is all about you, remember that he has the same rights as you do and can leave you.  You might want to make changes before that happens.

An equal partnership is a beautiful relationship.  I recommend that you always remember that your partner, and what he wants, is as important as you, and what you want.

Stealing Stuff

hStealing Stuff (Video)

This blog provides additional information to the attached video clip.  The clip is from an assertiveness presentation I did for The Business Building Academy.

In my presentation on assertiveness, Don’t Act Like Prey!, I discuss the three R’s of assertiveness:  relationship, rights, and respect.  In this presentation I used the customer/supplier relationship as an example and we discussed the rights of each party.  In this clip, we are discussing the rights of the supplier.  One right of the supplier is that the customer will not steal her stuff.

I never would have thought of that until this story happened to me.

Assertiveness (5), The Finish of the Story

The attached video is an excerpt from a very condensed presentation on assertiveness.  The title of the presentation is The 3 R’s of Assertiveness.  (An alternative title is Don’t Act Like Prey!.) 

Part 5 finishes the story started in the first segment.  It includes important points to remember when you are in a situation where you know the best thing is to be assertive.

This is the final segment of the condensed assertiveness presentation.  I hope you have learned at least one or two items that you want to implement to improve your success.

Assertiveness (4), Respect and Metaphors

The attached video is an excerpt from a very condensed presentation on assertiveness.  The title of the presentation is The 3 R’s of Assertiveness.  (An alternative title is Don’t Act Like Prey!.) 

Part 4, Respect, discusses the importance of respecting ourselves and our rights.  When we do not, we are passive.  It also discusses the importance of respecting others and their rights.  When we do not, we are aggressive.  By respecting ourselves and others, and acting accordingly, we are assertive.

It also discusses using wildlife metaphors for describing passive, aggressive, and assertive behavior.

Each week I will post the next section of the presentation.  Last week was on rights.  Next week will be the final, the finish of the story stared in section 1.

Assertiveness (3), Rights

The attached video is an excerpt from a very condensed presentation on assertiveness.  The title of the presentation is The 3 R’s of Assertiveness.  (An alternative title is Don’t Act Like Prey!.) 

Part 3, Rights, discusses how each party in any relationship has certain rights.  When we do not recognize and stand up for our rights, we are passive.  When we do not recognize that others have rights, we are aggressive.

Each week I will post the next section of the presentation.  Last week was on relationships.  Next week will be on respect.

Under-promise and Over-deliver

Scotty (Video)

Do you remember Scotty from the original Star Trek series?  Scotty developed the reputation of a miracle-worker.  His secret was that he consistently under-promised and over-delivered.  (Alright, he was also exceptional at what he did.)  Captain Kirk would ask him how long it would take to fix something.  “Three days, Cap’n.”  “We only have three hours!” And Scotty would fix it in three hours (or whatever the time frame happened to be).

We can all learn a lesson from Scotty.  This blog provides additional information to the attached video clip.  The clip is from an assertiveness presentation I did for The Business Building Academy.

In my presentation on assertiveness, Don’t Act Like Prey!, I discuss the three R’s of assertiveness: relationships, rights, and respect.  In this presentation, I used the customer/supplier relationship as an example and we discussed the rights of each party.  In this clip, we are discussing that the customer has the right to expect what is promised and how the supplier can use Scotty from Star Trek to help make sure that the promises are kept.

It is imperative that promises are kept.  And it is acceptable to build a buffer for yourself because things do happen.  For example, if you promise a customer something in one week, and deliver in two weeks, the customer will be upset because you were a week late.  If you promise it in three weeks, and deliver it in two, the customer will be thrilled because you are early.  In each case the customer has it in two weeks.  In the first example, though, you look horrible.  In the second, you are a hero.  Which will help your business more?

This concept can be used in your personal life as well as your professional life.  Do you under-promise and over-deliver?

 

Battling Boxes

hBattling Boxes (Video)

Do you have trouble with people wanting to put you in a box and label it with who they think you should be?  I do.  I always have.

I am one of those women who never wanted children.  I just did not.  I remember as a very small girl getting a baby doll from my grandma.  It was one of the first ones that you could feed a bottle of water to and in a little while it would “wet” its diaper.  I dressed it, fed it a bottle, pretended to feed it food, changed the diaper, changed the other clothes because they were wet, and put the doll to bed.  I remember thinking, “That was boring!”  And yet I could play with other toys for hours.

I hoped that my brothers would have children, because I thought being an aunt would be really cool.  (It is!)  I also thought being a grandma would be fun, as long as I did not have to go through the mother step first.  That worked, too, because it just happened that my husband had children that were almost grown when we married.  And being a grandma is fun.  And I am still glad I did not go through the mother step.

When we are very certain about what we want, or do not want, it is important that we stick to that even if family, friends, and society think that they know what is best for us.  (There are exceptions, of course.  We cannot harm others.  We cannot expect others to take responsibility for us; we are responsible for ourselves.)

If someone is trying to put you in a “box” that does not fit you, say something.  Do something.  Do not calmly enter the box and let others tape you in and label you.  It is your life.  It is your responsibility to decide who you are and live accordingly.