“The Feminine Mistake” by Leslie Bennetts

The Feminine Mistake

I was raised to be independent and self-sufficient. I had my first job when I was 12. I loved that it gave me a little bit of financial freedom from my parents. Even as a child I knew that it would be my responsibility as an adult to earn the money to buy the things that I wanted. It never occurred to me to expect a husband to do it.

As a young woman I knew women who married and stayed at home, some with children and some without. Some of these women were my age, some my mother’s age, and some were older. I thought it was risky to be totally dependent on someone else, but I didn’t think too much about it beyond that.

That is, until I read Leslie Bennetts’ book, The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much? This book was such an eye-opener for me. It described, and backed up by research, all the risks associated with being totally financially dependent upon a husband. And the risks were not just for the present, but for the woman’s entire future.

Unfortunately, divorce happens. Death happens. Disability happens. Unemployment happens. If it happens in a family with two incomes, it’s bad enough. But if it happens when there is one income-earner, it’s worse.

Even taking a break from work for child-rearing has financial consequences. The woman who does is never going to be able to catch-up on ten (just to pick a number) years of experience that other people have that she doesn’t. She’ll never catch up on ten years of contributions to a company. She’ll never catch up on ten years of company or industry advancements. That will be reflected in her pay for the rest of her career. It’s also ten years of lost income that won’t be reflected in social security or retirement investments.

Bennetts also discusses less tangible advantages of working such as the intellectual, psychological, emotional, and health benefits of being self-sufficient.

We can’t make good decisions with missing or inaccurate information. Bennetts’ book provides information to help us make better decisions. It can help us in determining what the true costs of our decisions are. We might decide to make the same decision, but at least we will know what to expect.

Some of you reading this might think it’s too late for you. But it’s not too late for some girl or young woman that you know. Read the book for her sake, if not yours. If she is young, open her mind to what might be new ideas and thoughts—that she can have it all, that she can do it all. Encourage her to think about what different careers pay. Boys usually consider money when choosing a career. They are raised to think about supporting themselves and a family. Too often girls are not and choose careers that don’t pay well without considering the financial ramifications. Too often there is the subconscious thought that she will have a husband to support her and so her income won’t really matter. It will. If she is an adult, give her a copy of the book and discuss it with her.

She will thank you, even if she never tells you.

Play the Right Game

Some people are very good at winning the game they are playing. Unfortunately, they might be playing the wrong game.

If they are playing to win their game at all costs and in the process take advantage of people, hurt people, or think only of themselves, they might win that game. But they will lose in the most important game of all—life.

What game are you playing? That question might be more important than whether you are winning.

Spring Equinox—A Time for Growth and New Beginnings

The spring equinox is when day and night are close to the same length. (The same thing happens in the autumn.) It’s also when we start seeing signs of spring. The weather starts getting a little warmer and plants start blooming again. It’s a time for new life.

I think now is a great time to think about where we are in our life and where we want to go. It’s a great time to think about who we are and who we want to become. With everything around us growing, it’s a good time for us to grow as well. It’s a good time for us to start new beginnings, whether it be a new venture or a new way of thinking.

Are there any new beginnings you want to start?

Winning

I know people who pride themselves on always winning. Winning is very important to them, even if in winning they hurt others.

It is possible to win every “battle” and still lose the “war.”  Do you know people who have won every battle in that they have everything they thought they wanted but have lost the war because they still are not happy? Do you know people that on the surface have won every battle but at the end of their life they don’t have anything of real importance to show for it?

Ultimately, what is important is our relationships. Sometimes we can help ourselves win the war if we let others win some battles. Sometimes we need to determine what battles are worth fighting. It’s important to stay focused on what is of long-term importance rather than the day-to-day struggles.

Rabid Dogs and Toxic People

Although rabies is rare in the United States now, we have all heard of rabid dogs and the threat they pose. In the past, dogs thought to have rabies were immediately killed to prevent them from harming and passing the disease on to humans or other animals.

I think toxic people are much like rabid dogs. They pose a serious threat to the health of other people. They can affect the physical, mental, and emotional health of those around them.

We can’t, obviously, kill people because they are toxic. We can, however, limit our time with them and limit their influence on us. If you must deal with a toxic person, I suggest you gain information from a professional source on what you can do.

50% Price Reduction on Self-Empowerment for Women eBooks!

Sunday, March 3, through Saturday, March 9, is the 10th Annual Smashwords Read an eBook Sale. During this time you can purchase any, or all, of my eBooks on self-empowerment for women at 50% off. That’s only $2.50 per book. That’s only $2.50 for the opportunity to learn something that can change your life for the better.

Go to my Smashwords Author Page and scroll to the bottom of the page for links to my books including 3 Good Choices: Change It, Accept It, or Leave It; 52 Weeks of Wisdom; and Don’t Act Like Prey!

After purchase, go to my website for free materials to supplement the eBooks.

I write on self-empowerment for women. I provide ideas to encourage women to think about what they do, why they do it, and do they want to change.

Relationships and Empowerment

In these blogs we talk about you.  Your rights.  Your responsibilities.  Your choices.  Your life.

It is necessary to remember, though, that everything discussed in these blogs applies to everyone.  This means that other people have the same rights, and the same responsibilities, as you do.  It is necessary to balance your rights with others’ rights.

You cannot empower yourself by dis-empowering others.

Self-Empowerment

dreamstime_xs_65105548, resizedEmpowerment is external, self-empowerment is internal.

Empowerment is when someone has power, permission, and/or authority to do something.  This often comes from outside the person.  For example, our clients might empower us to make certain decisions for them.  We might empower our employees to make business decisions in our absence.  Laws might empower women to have more equal status in society.

Self-empowerment comes from inside of us.  It is when we give ourselves the power, permission, and/or authority to do something.  This might be to grow and develop into the person we want.  It might be to create the life we want.  We have the power within us to create what we desire.  Often what stands in our way is that we do not think we have the right to do it.  We need to give ourselves permission to go after what we want.

Self-empowerment is when we use our power to take control of all aspects of our life.  It is when we take responsibility for our choices, our thoughts, our actions, and the consequences of these.  It is when we decide what we want, develop a plan to achieve it, and implement the plan.

To take control of your life, it is important to be aware of what makes you you.  What are your thoughts?  Values?  Beliefs?  Goals?  Motivations?  Who are you, and why are you the way you are?  Honest self-reflection is necessary to determine why you do the things you do.

Only you can self-empower yourself.

One Best Way

hSometimes finding the best way to do something can make us more effective and more efficient.  Often, however, it doesn’t matter whether it was done the best way possible or not—it just matters that it was done.

Things don’t always have to be completed in the most efficient or most effective way possible, especially if we consider the time and energy involved in finding the best way.

Do you waste time and energy by trying to find the one best way to do something?  Would it sometimes be better if you just did it?

 

 

Fear

Fear of something, someone, or even a group, is often related to fear of the unknown.  If we learn about whatever it is we fear, often we lose our fear.

What do you fear?  Is your fear misplaced?  Would you lose your fear if you learned more about whatever it is that causes a feeling of fear in you?