Asking for Help

dreamstime_xs_92335252I have a problem asking for help.  There are reasons for this.

One is that I’m internally wired to think that I should be able to do everything, by myself, all the time.  This might relate to being responsible, independent, or self-sufficient.  These are good attributes, up to a point.  Or this might relate to being stubborn.  Stubbornness, too, can be a good thing, up to a point.  The reality is, we all need help sometimes and we shouldn’t let stubbornness, pride, or other things get in the way of asking.

Another reason that I have trouble asking for help is that I want things done the way I want them done, when I want them done.  I think that the way I do things is the best way.  After all, if it wasn’t the best way I wouldn’t do it that way.  It’s the old “If you want it done right, you have to do it yourself.”  The reality is, rarely is there one best way to do anything.  The important thing is the result—what was done, not how it was done.

I suggest that when you need help, ask.  Don’t let things get in the way.  When you ask, communicate clearly the result you want, but leave it up to the person helping you to determine the best way for him or her.  If a deadline is necessary, give it.  Otherwise ask the person when he or she can complete it.  These techniques can be used in our professional and personal lives.

Focus on the Results

dreamstime_xs_37583472We all have things that we do not like to do. However, we also need to do these things to get the results that we want. It helps to focus on the results.

For example, I do not like sending out invoices. It’s paperwork that needs to be done, but it’s dull. However, I really like getting paid. When I focus on how I will get paid sooner if I send out invoices sooner, it makes the task more tolerable.

The same can apply to our personal lives. I like having a clean, uncluttered house. (I do not think I am obsessive. My husband might disagree.) I hate house cleaning. When I am cleaning house and focus on how much I do not want to do it, it makes a disagreeable situation worse. When I focus on how great the house will look when I am done, and how good that will make me feel, the situation is better.

Are there things in your life that you do not like to do? Would it help to focus on the results rather than the unenjoyable task?