Noticing Work

dreamstime_xs_34342688I was talking with a friend recently.  Both she and her husband have careers that require quite a bit of their time.  They also have two small children that require a great deal of time.  She mentioned that she wished her husband would do more around the house and with childcare.  I asked her whether she thought he could see the work that needed to be done.  She didn’t think he could.

I don’t think that is unusual.  Unless you are the one doing the work on a regular basis, I think it can be difficult to see that it needs to be done.  If someone else is being proactive and doing the work before it even needs to be done, it can be even more difficult.

There are many things in our house that I do that my husband doesn’t notice.  But then there are many things that he does that I don’t notice.  I’d notice if the furnace didn’t work, for example, but I don’t notice when he changes the filters to keep the furnace working properly.

A simple solution to this is communication.  Before assuming the person won’t help, or doesn’t want to help, ask for help.  This can apply to your professional life as well.  If you need help from your supervisor, ask.  If you don’t think she is aware of all you do, tell her.

Also take the time to find out what the other people in your life are contributing.  It might be more than you think.

Gain and Pain

dreamstime_xs_35911205, croppedYou have probably heard the concept that we have two basic choices.  We can choose long-term gain for short-term pain or we can choose short-term gain for long-term pain.

Most of the decisions I have made in my life were long-term gain for short-term pain.  In college I regularly choose to study instead of party.  In my careers I regularly chose to work long, hard hours and to do my best rather than slacking.  I have usually chosen to do what was right or responsible rather than what I felt like doing at the time.

These decisions have paid off for me.  I consider myself to have a happy, successful life, both professionally and personally.

What I realized the other day, though, was that I am at a point in my life where I can ease up.  I can do more of what I want because I want to.  I’ve reached the long-term gain and I don’t really need to worry so much about the short-term pain.  I’m glad I’ve made this realization now, where I can enjoy it fully.

If you are like me, and have consistently made the long-term gain decisions, I suggest that you stop and access where you are in life.  Could you do a little more of the short-term gain items?  With where you are now, is there much long-term pain to worry about?

Use the Back of Your Brain

dreamstime_xs_62496032When I was in college it always took me awhile to complete the research for papers.  The major reason was that I always found so many interesting studies to read.  They might not have been relevant for the paper I was writing, but it was hard to resist reading them anyway.

One related to brain functioning.  It said that either the subconscious or unconscious (I forget which—or maybe it was both—let’s call it the back of the brain) was always working.  Since it was always working, we might as well have the conscious part of our brain (let’s call it the front of the brain) tell the back of the brain what we wanted it to do.

I was going to college full-time and working 30-40 hours a week to pay for college.  I needed all the help I could get to make best use of the time I had, so I started experimenting with this.  I would tell the back of my brain things like: “I have to write a paper on XYZ.  What should I include?  How should I organize it?”  Then I would work on other things for a day or two.  When I sat down to work on the paper, the information flowed.  I had much more information than I ever had when I tried to write something “cold.”

The more I used this technique, the better it worked.  I still use it.

For example, a few days ago I had the idea that this topic would make a good blog.  If I had sat down and tried writing it the minute I had the idea, I would have struggled.  Instead, the front of my brain told the back of my brain to work on this idea.  Now, the thoughts are pouring out, faster than I can type.

I use this for large projects, such as writing books.  With a book, I tell the back of my brain to work first on the overall concepts and content of the book and as I start writing, I tell it to work in more detail on the next chapter.  It works!  I have more trouble finding time to write than I do in getting thoughts on paper once I have time to do it.

I also use this for little things such as planning parties, holiday dinners, and vacations.  People comment on how organized I am.  To a large degree, I think it is because I use the back of my brain to work on things while the front of my brain is focused on other items.

If you don’t already do this, I suggest that you try it.  If it works, you might find that you are more productive.  If it doesn’t work, you haven’t lost a thing.

 

The Best and the Brightest

dreamstime_xs_29054082A friend and I were reminiscing at our 40th high school reunion about, of all things, high school.  During the conversation, she made a comment about how she and our other friends were surprised that for so long my goal was to become a secretary.  The reason it surprised them, she said, was that I was one of the smartest in the class and could have done anything.

That conversation brought back memories that I have not thought about for a long time.  On one level, I knew I was one of the smartest in my class.  Grades weren’t a secret and mine were consistently at the top.  And yet I did not think I was smart enough to go to college.  It probably wasn’t until my senior year that I finally realized that if I wasn’t smart enough, who was?  There were plenty of students, with lower grades than mine, that were planning on going.  If they could, why couldn’t I?

The result is that I went to college, obtained two bachelor of science degrees and a minor, graduated magna cum laude, and did it in 4 1/2 years while working 30-40 hours a week at 2-3 different jobs.

I was one of the best and the brightest, yet I didn’t see it.

Are you in that situation?  Are you one of the best and the brightest and don’t realize it?  Would you have greater success in your life if you recognized that you are capable of achieving it?

Are there girls in your life (daughters, granddaughters, nieces) that might be in that situation?  Do they realize that they are one of the best and the brightest, that they can do anything they want?  Would some encouragement from you help them see themselves more clearly?  (And remember that boys need encouragement, too.)

Often, the thing holding us back the most is our own self-perception.  We can change that!